an educational program to diminish the effects of divorce on children and adults

This page offers some advice on how to deal with children during divorce

• Important messages
• What children need
• How to talk to your kids

Important Messages to Give Your Children

Tell your children:

• "I love you. I will always be available."
• "It's not your fault."
• That feelings are okay. It's not wrong to feel sad, angry, etc. as well as to miss and love both parents.
• Actions must be controlled.

What Children Need

Children need:

• To have a positive relationship with both parents.
• To have their parents communicate directly so they are not trapped in the middle.
• To avoid hearing one parent criticize the other.
• To have private time with each parent weekly.

How to Talk to Your Kids

You should:

• Listen attentively. Make eye contact.
• Acknowledge the child's feelings without trying to fix them. Example: "It sounds like you are angry," instead of, "Cheer up. Don't be upset."
• Give the child his wishes in fantasy. Example: "I wish I could make that come true for you."
• Remember all feelings are to be accepted and respected even though certain actions must not be tolerated

©2009 Life Transitions Inc.